I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
