so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
