Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
