I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
