Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Mom said you looked used
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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