I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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