Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
