oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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