Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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