don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
