that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Pants are for mortals
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
