Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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