Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
