i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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