I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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