Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
