Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
