Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think my vagina is haunted
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I am one with the molecules
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
