You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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