WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
