We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
