idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
