I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
