she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
