Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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