Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Randomize
