I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
