absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
