If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
