Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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