He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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