Whod you bang
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
