my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
