Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
