By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
