Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
