I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
