I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
