Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
