i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
