me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
