in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Alive.
So much puke
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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