if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
