I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
