I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
