the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
