I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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