you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
