You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
