by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
did i just pee glitter
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
