Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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