Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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