sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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